The Facebook Effect
Like 99.99% of everyone on the planet (okay, there may be a few Buddhist monks out in the remotest areas of Tibet that don’t have broadband or a BlackBerry yet) I have a Facebook account. I log in daily to see what my closest 150+ friends have been up to since I last checked twenty minutes ago yesterday. And almost daily I see that one of my friends has become a fan of almost every likable subject on the planet. Seriously. Let’s take a look:
- Alan Garner became a fan of “I HATE girls who hate drama when they are really the cause of it”. (Me, too, brother.)
- Alan Garner became a fan of “really? like, was that really necessary?”.
- Alan Garner became a fan of “It’s winter and you’re orange. Something just doesn’t seem right here.”.
- Alan Garner became a fan of “when your ex goes out with someone hideous”.
- Alan Garner became a fan of “Join If You Used To Slide Back & Forth In The Bath To Make Giant Waves”.
- Alan Garner became a fan of “When I get a new calendar, I always check what picture is on my birthday”.
- Alan Garner became a fan of “Sitting in your towel after a shower because you’re too lazy to get dressed”.
- Alan Garner became a fan of “Yelling ‘Run Forrest Run!’ when you see someone running”.
- Alan Garner became a fan of “it’s a status, not your diary”.
- Alan Garner became a fan of “You thought you lost something but it was in your hand the whole time”.
…and (literally) 1,493 more. At first this completely shocked me. The thought of tying my Facebook account to so many inconsequential things just didn’t sit well with me for some reason, but then it dawned on me: these are the new definitions of personality.
MySpace started the whole social thing, but Facebook is building an empire on it. Half of my real-life conversations reference something that someone said in a comment, note, photo description, or on someone else’s profile on Facebook. I don’t even need to actually meet a person to know if we’d be compatible as friends, and even then I still don’t have to meet them. I can just friend them on Facebook and still attain the same level of personal contact as I would if I physically knew them.
I really had nowhere to take this, and I’m going to pretend that I’m the first mo’ fo’ to think of it. By the way, my friend’s name isn’t actually Alan Garner, but he bears a strong, striking, and uncanny resemblance…
Rob Morrow became a fan of “He was a ruh-tard“.
Sigh.




